Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Does anyone ever get tired of explaining yourself? Explaining your identity? Explaining your sexuality? Explaining why or why not you present yourself in a certain manner? I know I am. I get very tired of having to explain who/what I am, to professors, to professional colleagues, to other athletes and to coaches. Explaining myself to members of the queer community and straight community. I never understood the importance explaining to others what is in-between my legs and why I do or don't chose to look like it on the outside. I mean really I have always wondered if I represent what is between my legs would it really helped, since back in the day when I had long hair I looked a very un-passing un-comfortable drag queen according to everyone who has seen it.
The explanations get really old when I have to defend who I am so that I can be acceptable to the person I am talking to. When my explanations become apologies for my existence and for how I am sorry for taking up space and being different. My explanations for who I am more recently have been trying to explain why my differences make me who I am and try to make them less offensive to the people I am saying them to. It has been rather frustrating. Especially when it is with fellow queers. I will never understand why queers hate on queers with more hate, force and disgust than straights. I hate explaining why I want to be seen as a guy and not as gender queer, or why I can't be overtly queer because I am trying to work in a professional field. I hate having to explain that I do love being queer and I do want already stand up for trans rights but I also have to get a job and I work in a conservative field. I don't have the luxury of working in queer friendly jobs. I could have if I chose to but I wanted more. Also being an athlete is NOT an un-queer thing, it is NOT against the rules to be a jock and to enjoy and love sports. It is ok for a jock to be queer at the same time. I know that sports are stereotypical heterosexual but what the hell is wrong with breaking the stereotype isn't that queer? I wish there was more of a live let live policy in the queer world, and appreciation of all the individuality within the world and our community. Since until we stop hating each other we will never get others to appreciate us.
Explaining myself everyday is exhausting, I once asked someone to explain themselves to me. They became so offended and insulted and couldn't understand why I asked them. When I explained that is how they made me feel they were still baffled. How ironic?

No comments:

Post a Comment