Friday, August 20, 2010


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

I think this poem says it all

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My recent vacation

I recently went on vacation to Provincetown, Ma; the cape's version of gay town USA. I went there with my fiance and my best friend and her wife, it was great except for a whole week I was a lesbian. I thought being in ptown I would more accepted for myself, but it was harder for me to be a man there than it was anywhere else other than work. It was really unnerving. I would go out and only be seen as a woman, a butch dyke out in Ptown. I thought this place was friendly but I really never felt it. At one point I was getting ready to drop about 300$ in MG Leather and the owner was feeling my arms and grabbed my ass thinking I was some hot dyke, but the minute I said I was not a dyke I am a trans guy I got instantly treated like a disgusting It. First of all don't touch me I have a personal bubble stay the fuck in it. Second of all why am I hot as a dyke but the minute I am something else I am disgusting? I walked out after she said she could tell a tranny from a mile a way. Well this tranny walked the fuck out of that. It was like that every where I went. It was really hard. I don't talk generally when I am out in public, and I bound every day all day and so I was really hurt by this. I thought I passed better as long as I didn't talk than I apparently do. I had a lot trouble dealing with this. I never identified as a lesbian, it never worked for me. I am not expecting people to know my sexuality and quite frankly it isn't their business unless I am sleeping with you. I just wish that I passed better.

Monday, August 9, 2010

how do you know

How do you know it is time to put up the gloves and just transition? How the hell do you figure it out. Is it when it is all you can think about, or when is consumes all your thoughts. How do people know? How do people decide when it is time to just do it?