Pan American Games Update

I got 5th at the Pan American Games!! I threw 67.84m which is the 3rd best throw of my career. I wish I had thrown a little farther but who doesn't that's why I do this. This was such an awesome experience I can not say enough about it. I got to see a throwing idol of mine throw and throw really far which was awesome and hell I got to compete with her and that was even better. I am really pleased with my performance and thrilled that I got the honor to represent the United States I don't think that has really sunk in yet that I was/am a member of the national team. :D

US National Team

I am officially a member of the US National Track and Field team representing/competing for the US at the Pan American Games.

USATF Nationals

So it has been awhile and I can't believe I haven't said anything about this, But...
I got 3rd at USATF nationals in the hammer throw which is huge. I had a huge Personal Best throw of 68.90m or 226ft. I am 10cm away from making the US national team for the World championships and I have until 8/8/11 to hit that mark. I am chasing it currently. I am competing this weekend and hoping to hit it. I am stoked and I may be able to make the Pan-American Games US National team!!

More updating to come soon

Above and beyond or just equal

Lately I have found and experienced that there is this assumption people have that when they respect my gender identity and presentation and appropriately call me by male pronouns even they know I wasn't born male there is underlying assumption that I owe them. I feel like this happens more so in the professional setting but definitely happens else where. It is really frustrating. People assume that by respecting my identity and by treating me like they would if I were male or if I were female and wanted to present as female that I owe them. I don't know what I owe them since all I am getting is the respect of me as a person that I show each of them everyday or they so each other every day. I don't understand why being treated as an equal correlates to being treated above and beyond or as special when an employer knows your trans and they respect your pronoun choice and treat me similar to others. I am happy that you do and I want you to and don't get me wrong I am grateful. But the thing is I shouldn't have to be grateful I shouldn't have to be so afraid to not be treated as equal that I feel obligated to stick around somewhere that isn't right just because my trans identity is respected. Nor should it be assumed that if you do respect me and treat me like a person rather than judge me and treat me like garbage that I some how owe you, that I have to make it up to you, that I have to go above and beyond what is expected of everyone else or else I am seen as a slacker. Nor should it be assumed that being so "understanding" is going above and beyond on their part and being especially awesome or whatever it is. I do not owe anyone anything for allowing me to be me as if they could allow me or should have that power. Treating me equally and like everyone else despite what you know about my identity does not make you special and have special power over me, and doesn't mean I am at your becking call and owe you a damn thing.

GLSEN Sports Project

http://sports.glsen.org/
This is the link to the GLSEN Sports Project, PLEASE check it out. This is an amazing project and awesome work done to protect Student athletes that Identify under the GLBTQQAI spectrum. I can not emphasize enough the importance of this and how crucial the Work of Pat Griffin

Competing as a non-passing person without the comforts of a team

I compete as an unattached athlete. What that means is that I am not affiliated with any team, and since I am no longer in College I am obviously not associated with any college or university as far as who I affiliate with in my personal competition. The environment and relationships of a team can be amazingly helpful with trying to traverse the complexities of being a gender non-conforming person trying to survive in a binary world. Sometimes being part of a team is both a curse and a savior. The team can be a safety blanket that protects from the outside jerks. Sometimes a team though can be where all the hate, anxiety and issues come from and the fear that prevents people from coming out. When I was in College being a part of the team really helped me with navigating everything. One of most crucial things were bathrooms and locker rooms. I never really passed as female or as male since I was 18, and going off of campus was always difficult because of the danger of bathrooms and locker rooms and just dealing with ignorant fools. My team helped me a lot to go places and not have trouble using the bathrooms and protecting me from all the people who had issues with how I looked, was or whatever.
Currently I train with a team but I coach them and I don't really compete with them and when I do travel with them it is as their coach not their teammate which makes a big difference. Navigating track meets as a person that doesn't pass as either male or female without a team is a little hairy at times. For instance the bathroom/locker room. I am entered into the meet as female competitor, I do not bind and am generally wearing tighter clothes as a uniform underneath t-shirt and shorts but this doesn't change the fact that I have very short hair, and a relatively masculine build. I often have a lot of trouble going to track meets and using the bathroom and well holding it all day is that great either when you are trying to throw very far. :p It is really complicated going into bathrooms when my partner isn't there to help either. It always causes drama because a "boy" is in the women's bathroom, and I really don't feel comfortable at meets going into the men's room because I don't have the confidence that I pass at all. Then to compete unattached, I am the man throwing with the women especially when people don't know me or I go to a new meet around unfamiliar teams that haven't been around me since college. It is hard, sometimes it is hard to keep in the competition mind set when you are the "tranny-it" the "he-she" the "man" trying to compete with the women. It is times like that when having supportive teammates really help, you are no longer an individual you are part of a team something bigger than the I. I am often competing with just me my coach doesn't often travel with me and it makes it hard to navigate the dilemmas of when I am confronted with people trying to get at me being like I am on steroids, I am using T I am cheating in some way because visibly I don't fit the mold of what they think a female athlete should fit in. I often find myself wishing there were more resources and help for us athletes out of college, and highschool that identify under the gender-queer transgender spectrum to navigate the sporting world and act as a security blanket when our identity our abilities to compete fairly and our safety is being jeopardized by the coaches, spectators and athletes around us.

Competition

I am competing tomorrow at BU. Getting Psyched to throw far.