Tuesday, August 17, 2010
My recent vacation
I recently went on vacation to Provincetown, Ma; the cape's version of gay town USA. I went there with my fiance and my best friend and her wife, it was great except for a whole week I was a lesbian. I thought being in ptown I would more accepted for myself, but it was harder for me to be a man there than it was anywhere else other than work. It was really unnerving. I would go out and only be seen as a woman, a butch dyke out in Ptown. I thought this place was friendly but I really never felt it. At one point I was getting ready to drop about 300$ in MG Leather and the owner was feeling my arms and grabbed my ass thinking I was some hot dyke, but the minute I said I was not a dyke I am a trans guy I got instantly treated like a disgusting It. First of all don't touch me I have a personal bubble stay the fuck in it. Second of all why am I hot as a dyke but the minute I am something else I am disgusting? I walked out after she said she could tell a tranny from a mile a way. Well this tranny walked the fuck out of that. It was like that every where I went. It was really hard. I don't talk generally when I am out in public, and I bound every day all day and so I was really hurt by this. I thought I passed better as long as I didn't talk than I apparently do. I had a lot trouble dealing with this. I never identified as a lesbian, it never worked for me. I am not expecting people to know my sexuality and quite frankly it isn't their business unless I am sleeping with you. I just wish that I passed better.
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It's just a thought, and I'm sure its more complicated than just this... but I wonder if the fact that Corbyn is a somewhat unisex name contributes to the trouble that you've had passing. Out of curiousity, assuming this was not your given name (as it is unisex and for all I know it IS your given name) how did you choose a name?
ReplyDeleteThat sucks, I'm sorry. Unfortunately, being around a lot of gender-variant females who still identify as primarily women means that it gets much harder for the people who don't. If only we could all stop ASSUMING so much about other peoples' genders! It's hard, when we've been so well trained.
ReplyDeleteI'm attracted to masculinity in women and genderqueers, but not masculine men. When I see somebody who looks like a masculine non-guy, I might think they're cute, but finding out that they're actually a guy is a shift in how I perceive them as a person, and along with that shift my brain just goes "nope, not interested." For me, it's based much more on who you are inside than what you look like.
So the way the store owner treated you was totally shitty---number one, I wouldn't want my butt pinched either, no matter how I identified! Grr. And number two, it's not your fault she's not attracted to men, and that's a terrible way to treat anyone, much less a customer.